it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
