we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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