Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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