New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
