smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
