If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
