i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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