i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
