They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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