I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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