Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
