yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
