so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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