So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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