I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize