i already hear my dad disowning me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
