you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
