Sponge bath it is.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
