Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
