I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is it penis luge time yet?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
