I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
