and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
