i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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