I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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