"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I want to be your penis for a week.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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