I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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