I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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