You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
