check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
