In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
