I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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