do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
