I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
