Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
