how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So squirting runs in the family.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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