I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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