Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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