we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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