just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
