I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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