I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
