Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
