It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
