I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
