You just made me feel so damn special
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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