My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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