So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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