If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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