OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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