So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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