So many bounce houses so little time
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
