He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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