dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
