so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
