Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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