Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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