There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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