She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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