I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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