Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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