apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
