I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Enjoy the penises
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
