my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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