She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
