Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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